Sean:

Thoughts from the other side (I have a two year old rather late in life, after much trepidation.)

-1- you are right about being steel-chained to parenting especially early on. and right about life being a tradeoff and this one is a FUCKING BIG tradeoff too.

-2- without children you will almost certainly be more self centered than with them. Not everyone. If you dedicate your life to living in small villiages curing sickness that would be similar or more. Still for 99% of humanity their lives revolve around themselves and their wants and their own needs. Not judging, just noticing.

-3- Purposelessness. If the main sacrifices in ones life are all organized around getting somehting for oneself, then most lives will end up feeling hollow and pointless as some stage. I think this is one of the biggest reasons that parents generally report being glad they had kids. At some deep level they know the alternative (FOR THEM) would have been a pointless existence. One can call raising children pointless too, but at an emotional level it DOES feel like it has purpose in a way that many other things don't.

-4- Paying it forward. If you had a happy supported childhood, then I think you owe the universe to pay this forward. In my opinion this does NOT mean having kids, but it DOES mean making REAL sacrifices in other ways, not for things that mostly have value to oneself, but for things that mostly have value for others. (Few people rise to this occasion on their own... being a parent kinda FORCES one to do so.)

So this might all look like a big power sell for having kids. But that is not the intent. Rather it is a moment for soul searching: All people need/should-have a purpose beyond themselves for which they are REALLY going to sacrifice for. If you have one of those, then having kids will be an extra challenge since you will be torn between two life missions, and there is less need since you already have a life mission.

The question to ask: Do I already have that mission?