Dave, let me applaud the vulnerability/honesty shown here.

I planned to write more, but I noticed that you have not responded to a single of the 22 responses here so I will limit myself.

You can fix this...

-- say "no" to many directions so you can say "yes" to one.

-- pick a direction where you like the work, the world gives a fuck, and there is a ladder of accomplishments you can climb

-- be happy with a human level of achievement. happiness is wanting less than you have. there are two variables in that statement. Try to shape both.